How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
