i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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