Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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