I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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