Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
