the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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