Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
