and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
