On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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