Got a toothbrush?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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