My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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