My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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