Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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