I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
