Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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