I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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