You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize