In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
