this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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