Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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