3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
try to milk me bitch
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