I cut my penus on the lid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
