real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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