The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
