when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
