i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
