I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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