he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
