my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
