There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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