No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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