Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
