my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
