The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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