So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
