you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he fucked my hip out of place.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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