I think I just saw someone hide a body.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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