today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
