Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
