Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
