More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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