Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
