I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
