Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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