Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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