You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
