at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
