I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
