Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
