you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
