Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
