I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
