My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
