If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize