Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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