Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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