New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
