And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
