I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
