So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
