Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
