I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
