Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
