I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
